Feature Stories

It’s been almost six years since we first started collecting True Tales and we always assumed that one day we’d get to the bottom of the well. Not so much because customers would become more reasonable, that crooks would get smarter or bench jewelers would stop losing valuable diamonds in the most unbelievable places, but simply because we’d heard all the best stories America’s independent jewelers had to offer. Apparently, that’s not the case - by a long shot. This year’s special Summer Edition collection of stories from the front lines of retail is our funniest ever. Whether it’s cocky crooks, sheepish husbands looking to make amends, cheap romantics, or store-owners themselves suffering moments of absent-mindedness, we have proof here that the joy of jewelry retailing is not just about sharing the high points in customers’ lives - but some of the lower ones as well.

 

.. A bit later, while showing them a diamond under the microscope, I said,
We all stopped. There was a funny silence for a few seconds and then we all burst out laughing. Yep, I sold them a nice stone! — Gary Youngberg, Ames Silversmithing, Ames, IA  

the gall of it

One of our bench jewelers was asked to make a necklace out of a woman’s gallstones! As you can imagine, they were quite revolting in size, shape and color. As disgusting as the process was, he did it, and the woman was ecstatic. It takes all kinds!—  Melissa Kelley, J.F. Kruse Jewelers, St. Cloud, MN 

  

 

 

where the sun don’t shine

Customer comes in with loose 1 carat and wants it reset. She tells us it was lost one night while in bed. Her husband found it the next morning in an “uncomfortable place.” I was holding the diamond in my hand .... — Brian Rouse, Bay Area Diamond Co., Green Bay, WI   

engrave error

We had a jeweler, “Joe.” A customer wanted to have bishops beads (sizing balls to go over large knuckles) “put inside the shank” of her ring. Not knowing what they were, he engraved the inside of the ring “Bishops Beads.” — Christine Patton, Diamonds & Gold, Green Bay, WI

 

   

i have her hand here

My-father-in law had a customer who wanted to buy a ring for his wife. When asked what finger size he needed, the guy took out her artificial arm with a hand and fingers and he picked which finger he wanted it for.
— Erik Mauter, Hudson Jewelers, St. Marys, OH

 

 

  

those clever swiss

We had a young lady bring in a watch and ask if we could change the battery for her. But the watch had a Swiss 17 jeweled movement. When we told her that her watch doesn’t use a battery, her response was...
— Alex Weil, Martin’s Jewelry, Manhattan Beach, CA

 

with this cz ...

A man walks into my store with his sister, searching for an engagement ring for his soon-to-be fiancée. After a long discussion, they decide on a beautiful certified 1.0 carat diamond, F color, VS1 clarity. Next, they choose a lovely ring out of my case and Tell me they want me to set the diamond and deliver it the next day. No problem. I have a nice sale, I’ve made a new client and both the purchaser and his sister seem happy. The sister pays for the ring in full and says the brother will return to pick it up.When he comes in, he asks me if I will switch the center diamond for a CZ and refund the difference. So, I pulled the diamond, refunded the money and delivered the ring with the CZ in the center. So my client scammed his sister and his “fiancée” with what they all thought was a beautiful diamond ring! What a way to begin a life together. — Garry Zimmerman, Windy City Diamonds, Chicago, IL

 

‘oh, it’s probably just a little pus’

One of our endearing older customers always came in to have her very large 5-carat diamond earrings cleaned. On this particular day, when Mrs. Smith handed her fabulous earrings to Tina, who is just the sweetest sales associate, she noticed something brownish on the back of Mrs. Smith’s earrings, and assumed it might be well-water tarnish. At almost the same instant Mrs. Smith informed Tina the mess was “probably pus or blood”... to which Tina retracted her palm so quickly the earrings went clattering across the glass counter. Professionalism lost to downright disgust. Unfazed, Mrs. Smith assured her, “Oh, it is just a little hole infection.” It took days for us to quit laughing. Since then we always provide a small velvet tray for customers to place their items on for cleaning! — Denise Oros, Linnea Jewelers, La Grange, IL
 

crooks are getting smarter?

THIS SHOULD GO UNDER THE STUPID CROOK SECTION. We had a young man in to sell his gold to us and while he was waiting to get a price, one of our employees who was working on a Rolex walked off and the guy slipped the watch in his pocket. All of this was caught on tape and when we started reviewing the tape to see where the watch went, we noticed that after he stole the watch he stopped and registered for a Tag drawing that was going on. So when we called the police we had his name, address and phone number. It took all of one hour to arrest the guy and get our Rolex back. — Ronnie Ware, Ware Jewelers, Auburn, AL

 

  

it’s like, you know, french

FLO, A SALES ASSOCIATE OF ONE YEAR WHO HAS NEVER SOLD JEWELRY PRIOR TO WORKING FOR ME, was showing a beautiful piece with a large red opaque stone in it to a favored client.
The client asked what the stone was.
My associate replied “dyed agate” but pronounced it “a-ga-tay.”
 The customer replied “I think that’s agate, but you’d probably sell more if you called it ‘Agatay!’”
We all had a chuckle and since then have called it “agatay” in the back room.
 AGATAY! Sounds more expensive, doesn’t it? — Lisa Corbin, Tompkins Jewellers, Lethbridge, Alberta, CA
 

 the one that got away

 During a very busy afternoon, a slightly disheveled gentlemen walked up to the cash wrap and inquired about a Rolex we had in the front showcase. We told him about the watch, including the features and quality and craftsmanship. While we spoke he placed a check on the counter to free his hands up and we noticed it was for over $32,000 from a title company. We quietly got a little excited thinking we had a sale only for the man to say he had to “think about it.” He turned and walked out of the store and our mouths fell open when we realized he was in his pajamas, complete with slippers! He had obviously just come from a house closing. Boy! that must have been a treat! Hopefully he wasn’t going directly to lunch! — Tom MacKinnon, MacKinnon Jewelers, Trinity, FL  

 

reality check #1

I had a lady who owns a clothing boutique walk up to the counter, take the ring she had purchased a month prior off her finger, plop it down on the counter and demand to return it because she was “tired of it.” I told her I was going to start shopping at her store so I would have a never-ending wardrobe. Of course, she was appalled at the idea. — Sandra Hequin, Morays Jewelers, Miami, FL

 

reality check #2

A gentleman asked my father,

— Steve Mcneill, Diamond Designs, Miami, FL

 

 

  

when time won’t ease the pain

We sold an expensive star sapphire to an 81-year-old customer. Seems her family had a tie to the old Union Carbide Co. and for her graduation she had wanted a blue star sapphire ring, but her mother had bought her a “damn watch.” At the time a watch was the traditional graduation gift. Well, she finally bought the star sapphire ring she wanted (some 65 years later)! — Richard Frank, Goldstein’s, Mobile, AL

 

neither snow ...

A customer once sent us her ring but didn’t write our store name or number (just the address of our mall, city, and zip). UPS didn’t know where to deliver it, and there was no return information (of course), so they opened the box and found the ring and a note on a flap saying, “Please call when you get this.” They brought it to us, as we're the only jeweler in the mall. My manager recognized the ring, and all WAs well. — Peter Tims, White Mountain Jewelers,   Show Low, AZ

 

 

lip service

A gentleman sporting a very fresh-looking split lip came in wanting an “apology present” … “but nothing too expensive!” — Julia Newton, Julia Newton Jewelry, Wilson, NC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

but it hasn’tgrown!

About three years ago, I got a call from a customer saying there was a problem with a .50 carat diamond she had bought.

We set up an appointment and when she came in, we sat down and I asked what the problem was. She began to tell me that in the three years she had her diamond it had not grown. I thought she was joking but she wasn’t. She said another jeweler had told her we had sold a defective diamond and it should be a 1-carat gemstone by now.

I told her the jeweler was having some fun with her. She said he had told me you would say that. So one hour later, after an extensive lesson on how diamonds are made, she knew she had been made the butt of a joke.

I asked her who the jeweler was who told her this story. She said, “never mind. I want to buy a 1-carat diamond from you and I’ll let him know you gave me some special water and the diamond grew.” — Joe Donlon, Donlon’s Quality Time, Ventura, CA  

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

let me get my saw

A foot-in-mouth story: I routinely used to joke with people when they shoved rings on their fingers that were too small that they didn’t have to worry because I’d just get the saw from out back and cut off their fingers. I had a couple in looking at wedding bands and sure enough he had jammed one on and now was having a problem getting it off. So I made my little joke about cutting fingers off only to have both the man AND the woman hold up their other hands, which were both missing fingers! — Anonymous

 

  

 

... and we also sellnice agatay

Customer comes in and asks to see samples from the new South American sequin mine. We showed her samples. — Janice Niebauer, Ralph Miller Jewelers & Gallery, Erie, PA

 

  

 

 

  

 

the $500k job

A friend was working for me (in the days when I was doing trade work for several upscale stores) during her son’s school hours from 9:30 to 2:30. Her job was to log in new work and bill out finished repairs. One day a job came through (from her husband of all people) to set a 1-carat round diamond in a mounting and to put it on a chain. Thinking she was getting a gift we were excited. (although, I wondered why he didn’t buy the stone from me.) Imagine her surprise when the husband’s office manager showed up to her son’s birthday party wearing the piece. That one little diamond cost him $500k in the divorce settlement.— Lisa McConnell, Lisa McConnell Jewelry Design Studio, Fort Worth, TX

  

                          

gently simmer

We had a lady come into our store and ask if we fixed jewelry. We said yes, of course, and she pulls this baggy out of her purse with mesh and white plastic.  it was plastic from the handle of a melted colander she had used to boil her jewelry. We cut out the diamond and ruby rings and only one ruby was burnt. We called her husband about replacing the ruby and the prongs. He said to leave the burnt ruby to remind her not to boil her jewelry. — CJ Grad, Caffray Jewellers, Hinsdale, IL

 

the switch

We had a customer who insisted we had switched her gold mounting, NOT her diamond (and we still have her ring, after 15 years).
— Georgie Gleim, Gleim the Jeweler, Palo Alto, CA