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In the End

Online Extra: 10 Best Ever “In the Ends”

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PICKING THE BEST “In the Ends” we’ve ever published – hmm, that’s a tall order. It’s easier to pick the worst ones we’ve ever done – and yes, we’ve had some really bad ones over the years. Now we’ve got enough of a back catalog that, when we absolutely come up against a brick wall and can’t produce an “In the End”, we can always reach back into stock and repackage an old one.

Anyway, I stopped writing “In the Ends” a couple years ago because I was so exhausted. But over the years, I got a lot of help from Damon Poeter, Josh Wimmer, as well a bunch written by myself, Trace Shelton and Paul Holewa, and others of newer vintage written by Ralf Kircher and Chris Burslem.

For this exercise, I’m going to pick 10 of my favorite “In the Ends” and then open up the conversation in the “comments” area and, if there’s any interest, we’ll see if we can come up with a “10 Best Ever” list.

This is How We Do It May 2002

INSTORE’s famous “jewelers do it” t-shirts. We’re actually planning on producing some of these and selling them at THE INSTORE SHOW. (Another great reason for you to attend the show, people … register online [here| Steering away, of course, from some of the racier entries like “Jewelers Do It With Rubber Models” or “Jewelers Do It With Precision-Crafted Instruments From Germany”. My personal favorites? “Jewelers Do It With Nervous Guys” and “Whenever Possible, Jewelers Do It on a Memo Basis”.

Poetry in Motion September 2002

Sample haiku: “Doughnut crumbs tumble
upon ring display … curse those
security guards”

America’s Uncoolest Store August 2003

After reading about some of the country’s most exciting stores, I think that some jewelers probably got a shot of inspiration in this dismal report of a jeweler who miserably does the absolute minimum to survive each day. They were probably thinking: “Alright, while I may never be as cool as the cool stores winners, at least I’m better than that guy.”

Twas the Night Before Christmas December 2003

More poetry. Yes, this was silly and sophomoric, but I can’t help but think that jewelers might have found something moving in the story of struggling jeweler Steve Johnson, who experiences the ultimate “big fish” story one Christmas Eve when the car of J. Lo (and her then-boyfriend, Ben Affleck, gobble-gobble) breaks down outside his store.

Listapalooza I and II October and November 2005

Listapalooza – the “In the End” format that I believe packs more laughs per column inch than any other. But really, really hard to produce.

Stupor Duper February 2005

After reading about a hotel with a $10,000 diamond cocktail, Trace Shelton and Paul Holewa developed a range of lower-priced gemstone cocktails. Some of these are cool enough that some jeweler shouold really try serving them.

Conquering the Competition March 2005

Smart advice for jewelers from none other than Genghis Khan. “Early to bed, early to rise means I should ambush you just after dusk”.

Coolest Evah Store August 2007

The brilliant Josh Wimmer came up with the conceit of an overly indulgent “family jeweler” who lets his nine-year-old son design his new store. See the results.

If Jewelry Advertising Had To Follow the Same Guidelines As Prescription Medicines August 2008

“GEWELRY can cause your bank account to drop suddenly to an unsafe level if it is given with certain other gifts.”

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