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True Tales

… And Then I Had to Windex All the Cases

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We had a “customer” come in looking for matching wedding bands for him and his soon-to-be wife. As my office manager bent down to show him a ring, he pressed his bare manhood against the glass. She quickly came in the back office and told me what had happened and I called the police, who didn’t pick up (in our small town, they are open only banking hours). So I called dispatch at the next town and they sent over an officer. The officer walked around the store and every time he approached the flasher, the man would face the other way but continue to press against the glass. Feeling the heat, the flasher made a move to leave, but the officer stepped in front of him, looked down and pointed right at the man’s fly as if to scold it. The man looked down, tucked it in and apologized under his breath as he fled out the door. The cop went after him and returned shortly to tell us the man claimed he had just used the bathroom at a convenience store. The officer disputed his story given the amount of full three-piece exposure and asked him not to return, to which the man said, “Where am I supposed to buy my wedding rings then?” The officer told him that given the embarrassment, he felt that neither us nor the flasher should feel comfortable doing business from here on out. We thanked the officer, then I drew the short straw and got to Windex all the cases. — told anonymously to INSTORE’s Big Survey, 2016 


This article originally appeared in the July 2017 edition of INSTORE.

True Tales

“Even If You Were Cher, I Wouldn’t Loan You This Jewelry!”

An owner refuses to fall for this dumb yet real scam artist.

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ONE DAY, a limo pulled into my parking lot. The young lady who alit claimed to be the P.A. for Cher. She went on to pick out pieces from my case that she swore would work in that night’s performance and be returned the next day. I informed her if the star herself walked in, I wouldn’t hand over thousands of dollars worth of jewelry “on loan.” She called me some nasty names and left. Seems Cher was not performing anywhere near the East Coast that night and it was just a scam. Oh well! — James Doggett, Doggett Jewelry, Kingston, NH

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True Tales

You Won’t Believe Why This Customer Returned a Ring

He had really high standards.

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A MALE CUSTOMER ordered a $4,000 platinum band, which shortly arrived from Germany. He holds it up and puts it on; it fits perfectly. Then he peers intently inside the ring. “The third hallmark is a fraction out of line,” he says. We send it back to Germany and it duly arrives with the hallmark totally lined up. The customer comes in and says that he doesn’t want this ring as it’s like buying a Mercedes and the salesman dings the wing: he repairs it, but would you want a damaged Mercedes? Left me speechless. The customer still has a credit three years later. — Gordon Lawrie, Eidos, Santa Fe, NM

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True Tales

This Jeweler Had to Get Innovative with a Penis Ring

In emergencies, release latch.

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A lady came to get a ring for her boyfriend’s penis. We suggested that it would not be a good idea to get one that does not open as that could end up being dangerous. We had to get an arthritic shank from Stuller and make one that opens and closes like a mini baby bangle. Gene Arthur, Arthur’s Jewelry, Reidsville, NC 

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