We know that most of your employees are great. But there’s always that one, isn’t there, who just doesn’t measure up? Here are some, uh, real things jewelry store owners might say about their worst employees in excerpts from performance reviews. Think of them as your sweet revenge for all those ?stupid boss? jokes.  

? ?Lacks luster. Needs polish. Not carrying his own weight. Must be cut …? 

? ?Every time I ask this employee for a lab report, he answers, ?Why? Do I look sick? …? 

? ?Perfect for a store that triple-keystones since he works only one hour out of every three …?  

? ?Unable to sell without offering massive discounts. Only mark-up she gets is her thumbprints on the merchandise …?  

? ?Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap …? 

? ?If you see two people talking and one is bored, he’s the other one …? 

? ?When asked what the four C’s were, the employee replied that they were his best-ever report card in high school …? 

? ?Overzealous. Persuaded customer to bite baroque pearls to prove their authenticity. We’re still paying the hospital bills …? 

? ?This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better …? 

? ?This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot …? 

? ?Calls himself a gemologist, but couldn’t find the crack in his butt with a Raman spectroscope …? 

? ?Tired of her excessive incentive demands. No longer willing to play carat-and-stick game …? 

? ?Operating with a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together …?