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Holiday Misfires

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Holiday Misfires

Are you ready to put the cherry on top of your holiday season with a successful event this year?

Not sorta ready. Really ready. If you’re not really ready, consider visiting us at September’s SMART Jewelry Show Dallas for three days of register-dinging holiday ideas. (Register or get more information.) Otherwise, you might find yourself running one of these wildly inappropriate holiday events in your store this year.

HONEY, MEET MY MISTRESS NIGHT
PROMO COPY: Guys, she’s going to find out about ‘the other woman’ eventually. So why not cushion the blow by having it happen at Acme Jewelers — the only place where you can confess to your cheating ways … and start the healing process at the same time! That’s right — Acme Jewelers, offering 50% off on all ‘I’ve been a total jerk’ jewelry for one night only to men admitting to infidelity in front of their wives!

NO-SECURITY HOLIDAY BASH
PROMO COPY: ’Tis the night before Christmas, and the security guards are all drunk on mulled wine/ the combination to the safe is right-23, left-4, right-39/ The floor has been cleared to make escaping a breeze/ So join us in celebrating cash bonus day, won’t you please?

WE WISH YOU A MERRY … OH BITE ME
PROMO COPY: Does “holiday cheer” get you down? Tired of twinkling, cherry-cheeked salespeople wishing you “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays” at every store you enter? Acme Jewelers has got the answer. Our poorly-paid, under-trained, completely unsupervised employees will provide you with an amazing customer experience this holiday season. We promise not to smile, acknowledge you while we’re on coffee breaks, or wish you a happy anything while ringing up your sale. Though an occasional “Up yours, fatso” is not out of the question.

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GUESS SANTA’S BLOOD-ALCOHOL LEVEL
PROMO COPY: For kids of all ages! Prizes galore! Sit in Santa’s lap — or more likely, give him a shoulder to lean on to keep from falling over — and make your best guess at the amount of booze coursing through his veins after your once-in-a-lifetime, up-close-and-personal whiff of our own Kris Kringle’s eggnog-scented breath!

SURVIVOR: ACME JEWELERS
PROMO COPY: 39 days; 16 irritated customers stuck in the store with a case of Mountain Dew, a few boxes of Krispy Kremes, and a variety of dramatic challenges involving soldering and ring gauges. Outwit. Outlast. Out-loupe. Who will be the one to walk away with the $50 gift certificate and a lifetime supply of jewelry cleaning fluid?

YOU’VE BEEN VERY NAUGHTY THIS YEAR
PROMO COPY: Someone close to you has not been on their best behavior this year. Instead of just threatening to put the proverbial coal in their stocking, why not really do it? How do you think that specially bad special someone will feel on Christmas morning when he or she opens that always-meaningful little box … to see, set daintily in a fine platinum mounting, a lump of ugly-as-dirt, Pennsylvania-grade coal? Crushing. (Of course, if you do lose your nerve, you can always tell them it’s a really big — and slightly chalky — black diamond.)

MORE HOLIDAY EVENTS YOU PROBABLY DON’T WANT TO HOLD
® Joy To the World Wrestling Federation
® Bobbing for Diamonds
® Name That Gem Treatment
® Bring a Personal-Injury Lawyer To Our Store
® Avalanche Weather Promotion
® Venison Night
® Elf-Throwing Competition
® Your Boss Wants Body Jewelry This Christmas!
® Psychedelic Cider Party
® Free Vodka Shots + Appraisals Holiday Blowout!
® Silent Night, Deadly Night
® Win a Date With Santa

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Wilkerson Testimonials | Zadok Master Jewelers

Stick to the Program — And Watch Your Sales Grow

When Zadok Master Jewelers in Houston, Texas, decided to move to a new location (they’d been in the same one for the 45 years they’d been in business), they called Wilkerson to run a moving sale. The results, says seventh-generation jeweler Jonathan Zadok, were “off the charts” in terms of traffic and sales. Why? They took Wilkerson’s advice and stuck to the company’s marketing program, which included sign twirlers — something Jonathan Zadok had never used before. He says a number of very wealthy customers came in because of them. “They said, ‘I loved your sign twirlers and here’s my credit card for $20,000.’ There’s no way we could have done that on our own,” says Zadok. “Without Wilkerson, the sale never, ever would have come close to what it did.”

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David Squires

Holiday Misfires

Published

on

Holiday Misfires

Are you ready to put the cherry on top of your holiday season with a successful event this year?

Not sorta ready. Really ready. If you’re not really ready, consider visiting us at September’s SMART Jewelry Show Dallas for three days of register-dinging holiday ideas. (Register or get more information.) Otherwise, you might find yourself running one of these wildly inappropriate holiday events in your store this year.

HONEY, MEET MY MISTRESS NIGHT
PROMO COPY: Guys, she’s going to find out about ‘the other woman’ eventually. So why not cushion the blow by having it happen at Acme Jewelers — the only place where you can confess to your cheating ways … and start the healing process at the same time! That’s right — Acme Jewelers, offering 50% off on all ‘I’ve been a total jerk’ jewelry for one night only to men admitting to infidelity in front of their wives!

NO-SECURITY HOLIDAY BASH
PROMO COPY: ’Tis the night before Christmas, and the security guards are all drunk on mulled wine/ the combination to the safe is right-23, left-4, right-39/ The floor has been cleared to make escaping a breeze/ So join us in celebrating cash bonus day, won’t you please?

Advertisement

WE WISH YOU A MERRY … OH BITE ME
PROMO COPY: Does “holiday cheer” get you down? Tired of twinkling, cherry-cheeked salespeople wishing you “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays” at every store you enter? Acme Jewelers has got the answer. Our poorly-paid, under-trained, completely unsupervised employees will provide you with an amazing customer experience this holiday season. We promise not to smile, acknowledge you while we’re on coffee breaks, or wish you a happy anything while ringing up your sale. Though an occasional “Up yours, fatso” is not out of the question.

GUESS SANTA’S BLOOD-ALCOHOL LEVEL
PROMO COPY: For kids of all ages! Prizes galore! Sit in Santa’s lap — or more likely, give him a shoulder to lean on to keep from falling over — and make your best guess at the amount of booze coursing through his veins after your once-in-a-lifetime, up-close-and-personal whiff of our own Kris Kringle’s eggnog-scented breath!

SURVIVOR: ACME JEWELERS
PROMO COPY: 39 days; 16 irritated customers stuck in the store with a case of Mountain Dew, a few boxes of Krispy Kremes, and a variety of dramatic challenges involving soldering and ring gauges. Outwit. Outlast. Out-loupe. Who will be the one to walk away with the $50 gift certificate and a lifetime supply of jewelry cleaning fluid?

YOU’VE BEEN VERY NAUGHTY THIS YEAR
PROMO COPY: Someone close to you has not been on their best behavior this year. Instead of just threatening to put the proverbial coal in their stocking, why not really do it? How do you think that specially bad special someone will feel on Christmas morning when he or she opens that always-meaningful little box … to see, set daintily in a fine platinum mounting, a lump of ugly-as-dirt, Pennsylvania-grade coal? Crushing. (Of course, if you do lose your nerve, you can always tell them it’s a really big — and slightly chalky — black diamond.)

MORE HOLIDAY EVENTS YOU PROBABLY DON’T WANT TO HOLD
® Joy To the World Wrestling Federation
® Bobbing for Diamonds
® Name That Gem Treatment
® Bring a Personal-Injury Lawyer To Our Store
® Avalanche Weather Promotion
® Venison Night
® Elf-Throwing Competition
® Your Boss Wants Body Jewelry This Christmas!
® Psychedelic Cider Party
® Free Vodka Shots + Appraisals Holiday Blowout!
® Silent Night, Deadly Night
® Win a Date With Santa

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var disqus_shortname = ‘instoremag’; // required: replace example with your forum shortname

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Please enable JavaScript to view the comments powered by Disqus.
blog comments powered by Disqus

Advertisement

SPONSORED VIDEO

Wilkerson Testimonials | Zadok Master Jewelers

Stick to the Program — And Watch Your Sales Grow

When Zadok Master Jewelers in Houston, Texas, decided to move to a new location (they’d been in the same one for the 45 years they’d been in business), they called Wilkerson to run a moving sale. The results, says seventh-generation jeweler Jonathan Zadok, were “off the charts” in terms of traffic and sales. Why? They took Wilkerson’s advice and stuck to the company’s marketing program, which included sign twirlers — something Jonathan Zadok had never used before. He says a number of very wealthy customers came in because of them. “They said, ‘I loved your sign twirlers and here’s my credit card for $20,000.’ There’s no way we could have done that on our own,” says Zadok. “Without Wilkerson, the sale never, ever would have come close to what it did.”

Promoted Headlines

Most Popular