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In Kesslers Diamonds, One Cool Sign

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In Kesslers Diamonds, One Cool Sign

We’re just putting the finishing touches on our June issue this week, and I wanted to give you a sneak preview of the Cool Store, Kesslers Diamonds in Germantown, WI.

In the store’s men’s room is a sign that helps out the nervous groom-to-be. Every store ought to be so creative! You’ve got to read the whole sign — it’s great:

Run!
Here’s your chance. Get out now while you can. Quick, look for a window. Or the ventilation shaft. Okay, get out of your clothes. Skivvies, too. Lube yourself up with that hand soap over there. Get a penny and unscrew the duct. It’ll be tight so conviction is important at this point. You don’t want to get stuck. Imagine your bride-to-be coming in and seeing your nude lower torso poking out like some sort of modern art installation. That’s an image for the mantel, isn’t it? So squirm like the wind. Once free, get some clothing and start a new life somewhere with complicated extradiction laws. And then back to bachelorhood. Yes, the singularly most forlorn, emotionally vacant time of your life. Come on, is there anything more overrated than bachelorhood? If you’re like most bachelors, you go to bed every night wishing you weren’t one. Let’s look at the sacred, time-tested bachelor traditions you’ll be missing out on. Well, of course, there’s being a slob. As well as extended periods of not bathing and otherwise lapsed personal hygiene. And hanging out with your unattached friends. As group of guys with each passing year are starting to get, frankly, a little creepy. Your future is out there. Your best friend is out there. Besides, that liquid soap itches like crazy.

In Kesslers Diamonds, One Cool Sign

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Thinking of Liquidating? Think: Wilkerson

When Peter Reines, owner of Reines Jewelers in Charlottesville, VA, decided it was time to turn over the “reins” of his 45-year-old business to Jessica and Kevin Rogers, he chose Wilkerson to run his liquidation sale. It was, he says, the best way to maximize the return on his decades-long investment in fine jewelry. Now, with new owners at the helm, Reines can relax knowing that the sale was a success, and his new life is financially secure. And he’s glad he partnered with Wilkerson for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. “There’s just no way one person or company could run a sale the way we did,” he says.

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In Kesslers Diamonds, One Cool Sign

Published

on

In Kesslers Diamonds, One Cool Sign

We’re just putting the finishing touches on our June issue this week, and I wanted to give you a sneak preview of the Cool Store, Kesslers Diamonds in Germantown, WI.

In the store’s men’s room is a sign that helps out the nervous groom-to-be. Every store ought to be so creative! You’ve got to read the whole sign — it’s great:

Run!
Here’s your chance. Get out now while you can. Quick, look for a window. Or the ventilation shaft. Okay, get out of your clothes. Skivvies, too. Lube yourself up with that hand soap over there. Get a penny and unscrew the duct. It’ll be tight so conviction is important at this point. You don’t want to get stuck. Imagine your bride-to-be coming in and seeing your nude lower torso poking out like some sort of modern art installation. That’s an image for the mantel, isn’t it? So squirm like the wind. Once free, get some clothing and start a new life somewhere with complicated extradiction laws. And then back to bachelorhood. Yes, the singularly most forlorn, emotionally vacant time of your life. Come on, is there anything more overrated than bachelorhood? If you’re like most bachelors, you go to bed every night wishing you weren’t one. Let’s look at the sacred, time-tested bachelor traditions you’ll be missing out on. Well, of course, there’s being a slob. As well as extended periods of not bathing and otherwise lapsed personal hygiene. And hanging out with your unattached friends. As group of guys with each passing year are starting to get, frankly, a little creepy. Your future is out there. Your best friend is out there. Besides, that liquid soap itches like crazy.

In Kesslers Diamonds, One Cool Sign

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/* * * CONFIGURATION VARIABLES: EDIT BEFORE PASTING INTO YOUR WEBPAGE * * */
var disqus_shortname = ‘instoremag’; // required: replace example with your forum shortname

/* * * DON’T EDIT BELOW THIS LINE * * */
(function() {
var dsq = document.createElement(‘script’); dsq.type = ‘text/javascript’; dsq.async = true;
dsq.src = ‘http://’ + disqus_shortname + ‘.disqus.com/embed.js’;
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})();

Please enable JavaScript to view the comments powered by Disqus.
blog comments powered by Disqus

Advertisement

SPONSORED VIDEO

Thinking of Liquidating? Think: Wilkerson

When Peter Reines, owner of Reines Jewelers in Charlottesville, VA, decided it was time to turn over the “reins” of his 45-year-old business to Jessica and Kevin Rogers, he chose Wilkerson to run his liquidation sale. It was, he says, the best way to maximize the return on his decades-long investment in fine jewelry. Now, with new owners at the helm, Reines can relax knowing that the sale was a success, and his new life is financially secure. And he’s glad he partnered with Wilkerson for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. “There’s just no way one person or company could run a sale the way we did,” he says.

Promoted Headlines

Most Popular