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In Kesslers Diamonds, One Cool Sign

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In Kesslers Diamonds, One Cool Sign

We’re just putting the finishing touches on our June issue this week, and I wanted to give you a sneak preview of the Cool Store, Kesslers Diamonds in Germantown, WI.

In the store’s men’s room is a sign that helps out the nervous groom-to-be. Every store ought to be so creative! You’ve got to read the whole sign — it’s great:

Run!
Here’s your chance. Get out now while you can. Quick, look for a window. Or the ventilation shaft. Okay, get out of your clothes. Skivvies, too. Lube yourself up with that hand soap over there. Get a penny and unscrew the duct. It’ll be tight so conviction is important at this point. You don’t want to get stuck. Imagine your bride-to-be coming in and seeing your nude lower torso poking out like some sort of modern art installation. That’s an image for the mantel, isn’t it? So squirm like the wind. Once free, get some clothing and start a new life somewhere with complicated extradiction laws. And then back to bachelorhood. Yes, the singularly most forlorn, emotionally vacant time of your life. Come on, is there anything more overrated than bachelorhood? If you’re like most bachelors, you go to bed every night wishing you weren’t one. Let’s look at the sacred, time-tested bachelor traditions you’ll be missing out on. Well, of course, there’s being a slob. As well as extended periods of not bathing and otherwise lapsed personal hygiene. And hanging out with your unattached friends. As group of guys with each passing year are starting to get, frankly, a little creepy. Your future is out there. Your best friend is out there. Besides, that liquid soap itches like crazy.

In Kesslers Diamonds, One Cool Sign

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Wilkerson Testimonials

Retirement Made Easy with Wilkerson

The store was a landmark in Topeka, Kansas, but after 80 years in business, it was time for Briman’s Leading Jewelers to close up shop. Third generation jeweler and owner Rob Briman says the decision wasn’t easy, but the sale that followed was — all thanks to Wilkerson. Briman had decided a year prior to the summer 2020 sale that he wanted to retire. With a pandemic in full force, he had plenty of questions and concerns. “We had no real way to know if we were going to be successful or have a failure on our hands,” says Briman. “We didn’t know what to expect.” But with Wilkerson in charge, the experience was “fantastic” and now there’s plenty of time for relaxing and enjoying a more secure retirement. “I would recommend Wilkerson to any retailer considering a going-out-of-business sale,” says Briman. “They’ll help you reach your financial goal. Our experience was a tremendous success.”

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In Kesslers Diamonds, One Cool Sign

Published

on

In Kesslers Diamonds, One Cool Sign

We’re just putting the finishing touches on our June issue this week, and I wanted to give you a sneak preview of the Cool Store, Kesslers Diamonds in Germantown, WI.

In the store’s men’s room is a sign that helps out the nervous groom-to-be. Every store ought to be so creative! You’ve got to read the whole sign — it’s great:

Run!
Here’s your chance. Get out now while you can. Quick, look for a window. Or the ventilation shaft. Okay, get out of your clothes. Skivvies, too. Lube yourself up with that hand soap over there. Get a penny and unscrew the duct. It’ll be tight so conviction is important at this point. You don’t want to get stuck. Imagine your bride-to-be coming in and seeing your nude lower torso poking out like some sort of modern art installation. That’s an image for the mantel, isn’t it? So squirm like the wind. Once free, get some clothing and start a new life somewhere with complicated extradiction laws. And then back to bachelorhood. Yes, the singularly most forlorn, emotionally vacant time of your life. Come on, is there anything more overrated than bachelorhood? If you’re like most bachelors, you go to bed every night wishing you weren’t one. Let’s look at the sacred, time-tested bachelor traditions you’ll be missing out on. Well, of course, there’s being a slob. As well as extended periods of not bathing and otherwise lapsed personal hygiene. And hanging out with your unattached friends. As group of guys with each passing year are starting to get, frankly, a little creepy. Your future is out there. Your best friend is out there. Besides, that liquid soap itches like crazy.

In Kesslers Diamonds, One Cool Sign

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/* * * CONFIGURATION VARIABLES: EDIT BEFORE PASTING INTO YOUR WEBPAGE * * */
var disqus_shortname = ‘instoremag’; // required: replace example with your forum shortname

/* * * DON’T EDIT BELOW THIS LINE * * */
(function() {
var dsq = document.createElement(‘script’); dsq.type = ‘text/javascript’; dsq.async = true;
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})();

Please enable JavaScript to view the comments powered by Disqus.
blog comments powered by Disqus

Continue Reading
Advertisement

SPONSORED VIDEO

Wilkerson Testimonials

Retirement Made Easy with Wilkerson

The store was a landmark in Topeka, Kansas, but after 80 years in business, it was time for Briman’s Leading Jewelers to close up shop. Third generation jeweler and owner Rob Briman says the decision wasn’t easy, but the sale that followed was — all thanks to Wilkerson. Briman had decided a year prior to the summer 2020 sale that he wanted to retire. With a pandemic in full force, he had plenty of questions and concerns. “We had no real way to know if we were going to be successful or have a failure on our hands,” says Briman. “We didn’t know what to expect.” But with Wilkerson in charge, the experience was “fantastic” and now there’s plenty of time for relaxing and enjoying a more secure retirement. “I would recommend Wilkerson to any retailer considering a going-out-of-business sale,” says Briman. “They’ll help you reach your financial goal. Our experience was a tremendous success.”

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