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Listapalooza!

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Inspired firstly by David Letterman's "Top Ten Lists", secondly by the funny listmakers at McSweeneys.net, and finally by the really spicy Indian curry we had at dinner, Instore introduces a new feature: "Listapalooza".Inspired firstly by David Letterman's “Top Ten Lists”, secondly by the funny listmakers at McSweeneys.net, and finally by the really spicy Indian curry we had at dinner, Instore introduces a new feature: “Listapalooza”. 
 
 
Movie Names you could use to describe your Least Favorite Customers 
The Grudge 
Frantic 
I'll See You In My Dreams 
The Jerk 
Gone In 60 Seconds 
The Neverending Story 
American Psycho 
Get A Clue 
I, Robot 
The Man Who Knew Too Much 
Mission: Impossible 
The Running Man 
Liar Liar 
The Vanishing 
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest 
Chicken Run 
The World Is Not Enough 
 
The seven steps of the sale, for the average salesperson 
Planning and/or preparation 
Introduction or opening 
Questioning 
Presentation 
Overcoming objections/negotiating 
Close or closing 
After-sales follow-up 
 
The three steps of the sale, by Johnny from the Stephen King novel "The Dead Zone" 
Touch customer's sleeve.  
Close. 
Severe headache with occasional bloody noses. 
 
Adjectives rarely used by gemologists, in order of likelihood 
Mauve 
Dope 
Sassssssy! 
Sucka-Free 
Bootylicious 
Ungrateful, back-stabbing … 
Squishy 
 
New GIA clarity grades under consideration 
Slightly More Included (SMI) 
Really, Really Very Badly Included (RRVBI) 
Explosion at the Styrofoam Peanut Factory (ESPF) 
Oh My God, What the Hell is That Trapped In There … and It's Moving! (OMGWT-HITTITAIM) 
 
Actual professional wrestlers who should consider getting into jewelry sales after they retire, because their names are just 
so-o perfect
 
The Rock  
"Stalker'' Barry Windham  
Dude Love  
The Interrogator  
Ice Train  
Man of Question  
Mini Goldust  
Scott Studd  
Glacier  
Heavy Metal  
"Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase  
The Iron Sheik  
 
Movie names you could use to descirbe your store's inventory 
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly 
Must Love Dogs 
Cold Case 
Dead Ringers 
Blast From the Past 
The Untouchables 
Dawn of the Dead 
Panic Room 
Goin' South 
The Shining 
Very Bad Things 
The Quick and The Dead 
 
Diamond terminology that sounds dirty, but isn't 
Cleavage 
Girdle 
Semi-Mount 
Bodycolor 
Abrasion 
Bearding 
Cavity 
Internal Graining 
Twinning Wisp 
 
Play lists on your boss's ipod 
It's Good To Be Me Songs  
Songs To Count Money By  
Songs To Fire People By 
What I Listen To When I Lock the Door To My Office 
Celine Dion (Best 0f) 
 
Statements from laxative commercials you could use to inspire or direct your staff during a dificult period 
"This, too, shall pass". 
"Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now" 
"Stay regular."  
"You'll get no surprises – but you'll feel better in the morning, as sure as the sun rises." 
 
Functions in Microsoft Excel that, were they applicable to real life, would prove very useful in running your store 
Undo 
Refresh 
Find 
Replace 
Save Workspace 
Hide/Unhide 
Merge/Lock Cells 
Draw/Erase Borders 
Resize Organization Chart 
Trace Error 
Consolidate 
Shrink To Fit 
Restrict Permission 
Show the Office Assistant 
Justify 
Validation 
 
80s Band names you could use to describe variously performing pockets within your sales staff  
Top Performers 
The Specials 
The Cure 
Kraftwerk 
The Romantics  
 
Aggressive 
Fine Young Cannibals 
Go-Go's 
 
Great to have around 
Fun Boy Three 
World Party 
 
Neither here nor there 
Human League 
Men at Work 
 
A bit too chatty 
A Flock of Seagulls 
Talking Heads 
 
Not the sharpest tacks 
Simple Minds 
The Lemonheads 
Kajagoogo 
Bananarama 
 
Weak 
Faith No More 
The Pretenders 
Soft Cell 
 
Really weak 
Level 42 
The Vapors 
 
Just plain hopeless 
Breathe 
 
Things you could tell yourself, as a customer rants at you, if the mantra 'The customer is always right' is no longer working 
"The Customer Is Bigger Than Me" 
"The Customer Knows Tae Kwan Do" 
"The Customer Enlists the Services of a Very Good Personal Injury Lawyer" 
"The Customer Is Always Wrong … But Luckily I'm a Compulsive Liar" 
"The Customer Can Always Go To Epinions.com and Say Terrible Things About Our Store" 

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