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In the End

The Dream Salespeople

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If you could hire anybody you wanted, who would you hire? Yes, we mean anybody. We’re talking about someone who would draw customers, sell tons of product, and help out around the store in other ways. We thought long and hard and came up with … well, take a look for yourself at the members of Instore’s sales ?dream team?. Or is it a nightmare?

ARTHUR ANDERSEN
CATCH PHRASE: ?This diamond comes with a free document shredder!? 
PROS: You’ll save money that you never even knew you had 
CONS: Somehow you’ll wind up paying 135 percent commissions on sales  

SNUFFLEUPAGUS
CATCH PHRASE: ?Oooohhh, Snuffy doesn’t recommend platinum for your skin tone.? 
PROS: Big, cuddly, good at drawing the attention of passersby, speaks Spanish 
CONS: Clumsy, sheds hair everywhere, renders bathroom off-limits after he uses it 

TONY ROBBINS
CATCH PHRASE: ?It’s not just a ring … it’s a source of personal power.? 
PROS: Circus-freak-sized head draws customers, and once in, he makes them feel great 
CONS: Within a week of his arrival, everybody on your staff will think they deserve your job 

THAT KID IN THE SIXTH SENSE
CATCH PHRASE: ?I see dead inventory.? 
PROS: Soft-spoken, everybody loves it when he makes that cute scrunchy little face 
CONS: His biggest sales are to deceased customers, making collections a problem 

BILL GATES
CATCH PHRASE: ?Just follow the ?two-minute’s salary’ rule, sir.? 
PROS: Moves lots of product, everything he touches turns to gold 
CONS: Won’t share his accounts with anybody,  
irritating policy on charm bracelets ? won’t sell individual charms, must buy entirely new bracelet 

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YODA
CATCH PHRASE: ?Just looking’ are you? A library to you is this? There is no ?browse’ … there is only ?buy’!? 
PROS: Wise, reliable, able to move display cases from the other side of the room 
CONS: Mild smell of mildew, green tinge may put off nervous  
grooms 

LASSIE
CATCH PHRASE: ?Ruff! Ruff!? 
PROS: Attracts families, fetches and carries without complaint, uncomplicated salary negotiations, notifies you when Little Timmy’s fallen into the abandoned well on old Mill Road 
CONS: Liable to make ?doo-doo? on carpet, may slobber over jewelry even more than your other sales staff 

MIKE TYSON
CATCH PHRASE: ?I resemble that remark!? 
PROS: Goodbye, shoplifting problems, gold teeth offer potent product promotion possibilities, can start immediately 
CONS: He might want to eat your children

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Wilkerson Helped This Jeweler to Navigate His Retirement Sale Despite a Pandemic

Hosting a going-out-of-business sale when the coronavirus pandemic hit wasn’t a part of Bob Smith’s game plan for his retirement. Smith, the owner of E.M. Smith Jewelers in Chillicothe, Ohio, says the governor closed the state mid-way through. But Smith chose Wilkerson, and Wilkerson handled it like a champ, says Smith. And when it was time for the state to reopen, the sale continued like nothing had ever happened. “I’d recommend Wilkerson,” he says. “They do business the way we do business.”

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