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The Dream Salespeople

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If you could hire anybody you wanted, who would you hire? Yes, we mean anybody. We’re talking about someone who would draw customers, sell tons of product, and help out around the store in other ways. We thought long and hard and came up with … well, take a look for yourself at the members of Instore’s sales ?dream team?. Or is it a nightmare?

ARTHUR ANDERSEN
CATCH PHRASE: ?This diamond comes with a free document shredder!? 
PROS: You’ll save money that you never even knew you had 
CONS: Somehow you’ll wind up paying 135 percent commissions on sales  

SNUFFLEUPAGUS
CATCH PHRASE: ?Oooohhh, Snuffy doesn’t recommend platinum for your skin tone.? 
PROS: Big, cuddly, good at drawing the attention of passersby, speaks Spanish 
CONS: Clumsy, sheds hair everywhere, renders bathroom off-limits after he uses it 

TONY ROBBINS
CATCH PHRASE: ?It’s not just a ring … it’s a source of personal power.? 
PROS: Circus-freak-sized head draws customers, and once in, he makes them feel great 
CONS: Within a week of his arrival, everybody on your staff will think they deserve your job 

THAT KID IN THE SIXTH SENSE
CATCH PHRASE: ?I see dead inventory.? 
PROS: Soft-spoken, everybody loves it when he makes that cute scrunchy little face 
CONS: His biggest sales are to deceased customers, making collections a problem 

BILL GATES
CATCH PHRASE: ?Just follow the ?two-minute’s salary’ rule, sir.? 
PROS: Moves lots of product, everything he touches turns to gold 
CONS: Won’t share his accounts with anybody,  
irritating policy on charm bracelets ? won’t sell individual charms, must buy entirely new bracelet 

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YODA
CATCH PHRASE: ?Just looking’ are you? A library to you is this? There is no ?browse’ … there is only ?buy’!? 
PROS: Wise, reliable, able to move display cases from the other side of the room 
CONS: Mild smell of mildew, green tinge may put off nervous  
grooms 

LASSIE
CATCH PHRASE: ?Ruff! Ruff!? 
PROS: Attracts families, fetches and carries without complaint, uncomplicated salary negotiations, notifies you when Little Timmy’s fallen into the abandoned well on old Mill Road 
CONS: Liable to make ?doo-doo? on carpet, may slobber over jewelry even more than your other sales staff 

MIKE TYSON
CATCH PHRASE: ?I resemble that remark!? 
PROS: Goodbye, shoplifting problems, gold teeth offer potent product promotion possibilities, can start immediately 
CONS: He might want to eat your children

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SPONSORED VIDEO

Wilkerson Testimonials | Zadok Master Jewelers

Stick to the Program — And Watch Your Sales Grow

When Zadok Master Jewelers in Houston, Texas, decided to move to a new location (they’d been in the same one for the 45 years they’d been in business), they called Wilkerson to run a moving sale. The results, says seventh-generation jeweler Jonathan Zadok, were “off the charts” in terms of traffic and sales. Why? They took Wilkerson’s advice and stuck to the company’s marketing program, which included sign twirlers — something Jonathan Zadok had never used before. He says a number of very wealthy customers came in because of them. “They said, ‘I loved your sign twirlers and here’s my credit card for $20,000.’ There’s no way we could have done that on our own,” says Zadok. “Without Wilkerson, the sale never, ever would have come close to what it did.”

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In the End

The Dream Salespeople

Published

on

If you could hire anybody you wanted, who would you hire? Yes, we mean anybody. We’re talking about someone who would draw customers, sell tons of product, and help out around the store in other ways. We thought long and hard and came up with … well, take a look for yourself at the members of Instore’s sales ?dream team?. Or is it a nightmare?

ARTHUR ANDERSEN
CATCH PHRASE: ?This diamond comes with a free document shredder!? 
PROS: You’ll save money that you never even knew you had 
CONS: Somehow you’ll wind up paying 135 percent commissions on sales  

SNUFFLEUPAGUS
CATCH PHRASE: ?Oooohhh, Snuffy doesn’t recommend platinum for your skin tone.? 
PROS: Big, cuddly, good at drawing the attention of passersby, speaks Spanish 
CONS: Clumsy, sheds hair everywhere, renders bathroom off-limits after he uses it 

TONY ROBBINS
CATCH PHRASE: ?It’s not just a ring … it’s a source of personal power.? 
PROS: Circus-freak-sized head draws customers, and once in, he makes them feel great 
CONS: Within a week of his arrival, everybody on your staff will think they deserve your job 

THAT KID IN THE SIXTH SENSE
CATCH PHRASE: ?I see dead inventory.? 
PROS: Soft-spoken, everybody loves it when he makes that cute scrunchy little face 
CONS: His biggest sales are to deceased customers, making collections a problem 

Advertisement

BILL GATES
CATCH PHRASE: ?Just follow the ?two-minute’s salary’ rule, sir.? 
PROS: Moves lots of product, everything he touches turns to gold 
CONS: Won’t share his accounts with anybody,  
irritating policy on charm bracelets ? won’t sell individual charms, must buy entirely new bracelet 

YODA
CATCH PHRASE: ?Just looking’ are you? A library to you is this? There is no ?browse’ … there is only ?buy’!? 
PROS: Wise, reliable, able to move display cases from the other side of the room 
CONS: Mild smell of mildew, green tinge may put off nervous  
grooms 

LASSIE
CATCH PHRASE: ?Ruff! Ruff!? 
PROS: Attracts families, fetches and carries without complaint, uncomplicated salary negotiations, notifies you when Little Timmy’s fallen into the abandoned well on old Mill Road 
CONS: Liable to make ?doo-doo? on carpet, may slobber over jewelry even more than your other sales staff 

MIKE TYSON
CATCH PHRASE: ?I resemble that remark!? 
PROS: Goodbye, shoplifting problems, gold teeth offer potent product promotion possibilities, can start immediately 
CONS: He might want to eat your children

Advertisement

SPONSORED VIDEO

Wilkerson Testimonials | Zadok Master Jewelers

Stick to the Program — And Watch Your Sales Grow

When Zadok Master Jewelers in Houston, Texas, decided to move to a new location (they’d been in the same one for the 45 years they’d been in business), they called Wilkerson to run a moving sale. The results, says seventh-generation jeweler Jonathan Zadok, were “off the charts” in terms of traffic and sales. Why? They took Wilkerson’s advice and stuck to the company’s marketing program, which included sign twirlers — something Jonathan Zadok had never used before. He says a number of very wealthy customers came in because of them. “They said, ‘I loved your sign twirlers and here’s my credit card for $20,000.’ There’s no way we could have done that on our own,” says Zadok. “Without Wilkerson, the sale never, ever would have come close to what it did.”

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