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Kids say the craziest things…the Valentine’s edition

OH, INNOCENT YOUTH! As the year’s most romantic holiday approaches, the “In the End” team presents these insights on romance from a panel of actual grade-schoolers, which will make you chuckle, wince, and maybe even teach you a thing or two about that crazy little thing called love. 

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY “I LOVE YOU”

“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.” MICHELLE, AGE 9 
“Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat.” DICK, AGE 7  

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE

“One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too.” ANDREW, AGE 6 

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“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell … That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular. MAE, AGE 9 

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” MANUEL, AGE 8 

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE

“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” JOHN, AGE 9 

“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.” GLENN, AGE 7 

ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE

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“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” ANITA C., AGE 8  

“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.” CHRISTINE, AGE 9  

HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?

“When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don’t get up for at least an hour.” WENDY, AGE 8 

“All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark.” SHERM, AGE 8  

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS

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“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off because they paid good money for them.” GAVIN, AGE 8 

“They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing.” JOHN, AGE 9  

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE

“I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when Dinosaurs is on television.” JILL, AGE 6 

“Love is foolish … but I still might try it sometime.” FLOYD, AGE 9 

“Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place … We were behind a tree.” CAREY, AGE 7 

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER

“Sensitivity don’t hurt.” ROBBIE, AGE 8 

“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” AVA, AGE 8  

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” DEL, AGE 6 

“Shake your hips and hope for the best.” CAMILLE, AGE 9  

“Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs … and don’t worry if their parents are right there.” MANUEL, AGE 8  

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” ALONZO, AGE 9  

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” BART, AGE 9 

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” BOBBY, AGE 9 

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold … Other people care more about the food.” BART, AGE 9 

“Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up.” SARAH, AGE 9 

“See if the man has lipstick on his face.” SANDRA, AGE 7 

“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like how their hearts are – on fire.” CHRISTINE, AGE 9  

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

“You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls.” JULIA, AGE 7 

“You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.” BRIAN, AGE 7  

“It might help to watch soap operas all day.” CARIN, AGE 9 

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“When they’re rich.” PAM, AGE 7  

“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you … That’s why I stopped doing it.” TAMMY, AGE 7 

“If it’s your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it’s a new person, you have to ask permission.” ROGER, AGE 6 

“I look at kissing like this: Kissing is fine if you like it, but it’s a free country and nobody should be forced to do it.”  

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE

“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” DICK, AGE 7  

“Don’t forget your wife’s name … That will mess up the love.” ERIN, AGE 8  

“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.” DAVE, AGE 8  

“Don’t say you love somebody and then change your mind … Love isn’t like picking what movie you want to watch.” NATALIE, AGE 9

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