I LEFT THE MOVIE THEATER completely smitten. I’d just seen “Captain Marvel” with my family, and more importantly, with my kick-a** little girl who was about to turn 9. “Momma,” she said to me. “I feel like I want to be Captain Marvel when I grow up.” I smiled and responded with something along the lines of, “You are already doing so much of what Carol Danvers did when she was a little girl.” But what I didn’t share with her was that I felt the same. Naturally, I couldn’t tell a little kid that her adult mom dreamed of being a superhero. She thinks I’m a little loony as it is. Why would I solidify that idea by letting her in on my little secret? No, I wouldn’t share with her my hopes of someday having superpowers and fighting bad people, while looking flawless in a Spandex suit. I’d keep those thoughts for the times I wind up daydreaming when I’m supposed to be meeting a deadline.
That night I crawled into bed with visions of Nick Fury dancing in my head.
“What if I were a superhero?” I thought to myself.
“Well, technically, Barbara, you’d be a superheroine,” the feminist portion of my conscious replied.
“Oh, shut it,” writer me answered. “You’re missing the point, feminist me. I’m trying to figure out what kind of powers I’d have, and by what name I’d be called.”
I pondered a while as I started to drift and thought about my strong suits. I mean, I can write, I thought. And, I know about watches and time. Maybe my powers could combine those two things. Time. Or the ability to change it. Or even to change someone’s words. That’s when it came to me.
Timewriter
I’d be called Timewriter! That’s it! And I’d be Captain Marvel’s sidekick! Yes! Now if only I lived in the Marvel Universe …
(Insert funky music and squiggly vertical lines that look like I’m entering a dream sequence a-la a 1980s sitcom.)
(Also, potential spoilers below.)
Timewriter: “Okay, Captain Marvel, we need to figure out how to stop Thanos before the rest of us turn to dust.”
Captain Marvel: “I don’t … know … what … I’m sorry, who the heck are you, and why are you creeping up on me? Have you been stalking my Instagram?”
Timewriter: “I have, but that’s not the point. I’m Timewriter. I’m a new comic book character and I’m your new sidekick.”
Captain Marvel: (Smirking.) “I’m sorry, your name is Timewriter? Wow. That sounds so not beneficial to the cause. And I don’t need a sidekick. I have Goose.”
Timewriter: “I know. I saw pictures of the cat on your Instagram and on the website Adorablekittiesbelongingtosuperheros.com. Cute. But it can’t write.”
Captain Marvel: “So, you’re saying your superhero ability is … writing? Do I really have time for this? (Looks upward and around.) Which of you writers wrote this character into my universe? Is this because you’re not paid as much as I am?”
Timewriter: “It’s my dream, so leave your writers out of it. And, my power isn’t just writing, it’s words in general. I have the ability to change someone’s words as they’re saying them.”
Captain Marvel: “Prove it.”
Timewriter: “Okay, well, go ahead and say something.”
Captain Marvel: “And what would you like … for dinner? I’d love to make you dinner tonight to celebrate the fact that you’ll be my new sidekick.”
Timewriter: “See? And why thank you! I’ll have lamb, medium-rare, please. And a side of kale. Have to stay slim in this suit.”
Captain Marvel: “Whoa. That was weirdly impressive and also tremendously uncomfortable. OK, so what about the ‘time’ portion of your name? How does that work?”
Timewriter: “Well, I have the ability to time travel into the future, though unfortunately I can’t travel to the past.”
Captain Marvel: “That’s not exactly a new thing. I mean, Dr. Strange could do the same when he had the time stone. And I can alter time too, as long as I’m wearing my watch. Do you have your own watch?”
Timewriter: “Yeah, of course I do. I’m wearing this generic-looking round watch that was created using free clip art from a random webpage. That’s pretty much how all of me was created (for the sake of this article).”
Captain Marvel: “No, I said do you have your OWN watch? Meaning, a watch that was named after you because you’re pretty much the most powerful member of the Avengers and in the universe, in general. Like I do, see?” (Holds out wrist.)
Timewriter: “Whoa. That’s pretty cool. What kind of watch is that?”
Captain Marvel: “It’s a Citizen Eco-Drive, so it’s light-powered (like I am) as well as eco-friendly (I mean, I recycle, so, there’s that). It’s called the ‘Captain Marvel’ and it has my logo on it. This is the gold-tone one but it comes in three versions altogether, which are all really awesome, and I’m not just saying that because Citizen is the official timepiece partner of U.S.-based Disney parks, or even because Disney owns Marvel Entertainment. I’m saying it because I really love the watch. I mean … it’s a ‘me’ watch. Literally.”
Timewriter: “Yeah, I can see that. It’s definitely a ‘you’ watch. But you said you can alter time with it. How does that work?”
Captain Marvel: “Oh, well, I just pull out this little thingy here on the side …”
Timewriter: “It’s called a crown.”
Captain Marvel: “Yeah, I pull out this crown thing and I can change the pointy parts …”
Timewriter: “Those are called hands.”
Captain Marvel: “… and I can change the (does air quotes) ‘hands’ to either show an earlier time or a later time, see?”
Timewriter: “You do realize that doesn’t change actual time, right?”
Captain Marvel: “Well, no, not yet it doesn’t, but who knows what superpowers the writers are going to conjure up for me in “Avengers: Endgame.” I mean, that could be one of them.”
Timewriter: “OK, well, on that note, I think I hear my morning alarm going off, so maybe we’ll pick this story up in a future dream, m’kay?”
(Insert funky music and squiggly vertical lines that look like I’m exiting a dream sequence a-la a 1980s sitcom.)
(Hits snooze. Sits up in bed.)
Me: “Wow. I have GOT to stopping eating Thai food so close to bedtime. The spices are seriously messing with my head.”
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