Location, location, location. The retail mantra that’s so nice, we say it thrice.
Does your store benefit from a killer location? Or maybe not so much? Or maybe not at all? Here are some signs that your store might be a bit, umm, off the beaten track.
- The lone tumbleweed blowing across your showroom floor.
- Hillary Clinton stays in your store during high terror alerts.
- Have to hang lunch high in the trees so bears won’t steal it.
- Ambient noise = vultures cawing, rattlesnakes hissing, and “city folk” whose car broke down moaning in your basement.
- Cable company says they’ll be by to hook you up between the hours of 1 p.m. and 2016.
- Your goldsmith uses nearby lava flow for metal work.
- While watching Mars Rover footage on TV you notice the robot approaching your front door.
- Your last customer was competing in the Iditarod.
- Sales staff is made up of Gilligan, the Skipper and Ginger.
- Giant hand keeps putting pieces of cheese in front of your door and dropping what seem to be huge white mice way off around the corner and in the distance.
- Only customer is a volleyball named “Wilson”.
- Store was featured on an “In Search Of …” episode.
- Nearest neighbors in the tornado are the roof of a barn and a flying cow.
- Five-year warranties on watches already expired by time customers get all the way home.
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