If you could hire anybody you wanted, who would you hire? Yes, we mean anybody. We’re talking about someone who would draw customers, sell tons of product, and help out around the store in other ways. We thought long and hard and came up with … well, take a look for yourself at the members of Instore’s sales ?dream team?. Or is it a nightmare?
ARTHUR ANDERSEN
CATCH PHRASE: ?This diamond comes with a free document shredder!?
PROS: You’ll save money that you never even knew you had
CONS: Somehow you’ll wind up paying 135 percent commissions on sales
SNUFFLEUPAGUS
CATCH PHRASE: ?Oooohhh, Snuffy doesn’t recommend platinum for your skin tone.?
PROS: Big, cuddly, good at drawing the attention of passersby, speaks Spanish
CONS: Clumsy, sheds hair everywhere, renders bathroom off-limits after he uses it
TONY ROBBINS
CATCH PHRASE: ?It’s not just a ring … it’s a source of personal power.?
PROS: Circus-freak-sized head draws customers, and once in, he makes them feel great
CONS: Within a week of his arrival, everybody on your staff will think they deserve your job
THAT KID IN THE SIXTH SENSE
CATCH PHRASE: ?I see dead inventory.?
PROS: Soft-spoken, everybody loves it when he makes that cute scrunchy little face
CONS: His biggest sales are to deceased customers, making collections a problem
BILL GATES
CATCH PHRASE: ?Just follow the ?two-minute’s salary’ rule, sir.?
PROS: Moves lots of product, everything he touches turns to gold
CONS: Won’t share his accounts with anybody,
irritating policy on charm bracelets ? won’t sell individual charms, must buy entirely new bracelet
YODA
CATCH PHRASE: ?Just looking’ are you? A library to you is this? There is no ?browse’ … there is only ?buy’!?
PROS: Wise, reliable, able to move display cases from the other side of the room
CONS: Mild smell of mildew, green tinge may put off nervous
grooms
LASSIE
CATCH PHRASE: ?Ruff! Ruff!?
PROS: Attracts families, fetches and carries without complaint, uncomplicated salary negotiations, notifies you when Little Timmy’s fallen into the abandoned well on old Mill Road
CONS: Liable to make ?doo-doo? on carpet, may slobber over jewelry even more than your other sales staff
MIKE TYSON
CATCH PHRASE: ?I resemble that remark!?
PROS: Goodbye, shoplifting problems, gold teeth offer potent product promotion possibilities, can start immediately
CONS: He might want to eat your children